As I said in my introduction there was a time when my being a gamer did not overlap with my identification as gay. My earliest gaming memories involved my brother and I spending cold winters playing through Ninja Turtles II, choosing the warmth of our television over the inviting snow outside. I do recall one weekend my parents were out of town and our Aunt and Uncle were charged with watching us and our other three siblings. I should state right now that even today, nobody can stand being in the same room as the two of us. We feed off each other and can clear a room with stories of our youth that can still be used as evidence in ongoing investigations. Back to the story, this particular weekend we had just started to play Battletoads. At the time I was 7 years old and my brother was 9, and even at that age we had adults wrapped around our fingers. The entire weekend we managed to live off Pepsi and candy and since our tolerance for caffeine and sugar were still relatively low, we managed to stay awake the entire weekend. We did manage to play through the entire game that Saturday night. To this day I still have nightmares about the hover bike sequences. When my parents came home that Sunday they asked how our weekend was. We both began to cry, because we couldn't fall asleep.

My earliest memories of being gay are not nearly as interesting as being a gamer. I didn't really accept that I was gay until I was in High School, and for half of me time there, I lived life safely in the closet. That isn't to say I never told anyone. In fact the second person I ever told was a fellow gamer (the less said about number one the better). I will leave her name safely out of this but to this day we remain friends, and she is second only to my brother in playing a main role in my life as a gamer. We knew each other through friends and had classes together in Junior High, and then one day in my seventh grade Spanish class I noticed she was wearing a Final Fantasy VII t-shirt. I about flipped, I couldn't run over to her fast enough and spill my love for the game and now my love for her. The shirt went missing several months later and to this day she accuses me of stealing it. When I told her I was gay, her response can be summed up by a comment she made. It isn't exact but it went something like this:

"So, how about Leon? He is way hotter than Chris Redfield"

If I were straight, we'd be married.

I went to school with four other out gay guys. By the time I was 16 it wasn't exactly a secret that I was gay, and thankfully, being a gamer actually aided in the process. Although I went to school with 3000 other students, gossip travelled fast. Remember what console was released about eight years ago? That would be the PS2 for those of you keeping score. Do you also remember that there were shortages of the system and actually getting your hands on launch hardware wasn't an easy task? Well thanks to inside information at Target and eight hours in the rain I was able to secure one. I was the only person in my High School who managed this. From then on I was known as the kid who had a PS2. I was never hassled, never called names. When you go to a school where what is on the surface is all that matters, you have to find ways to deflect focus.

My experience in college as both a gay man and a gamer will one day fill several chapters of my autobiography so I'm going to skip ahead to what being a gay gamer means to me today. To be perfectly honest it wasn't until recently that I meshed the two terms to define myself. Most of my social gaming is done with either a group of straight guys or a mix of guys and girls. In these settings my identity as a gay man plays a very small role. I have chosen to do most of my social gaming with friends, not so much to avoid the rampant stupidity that is found in random matches (I'm hard to offend) but instead because gaming is such a large part of my life I want to surround myself with like minded individuals. The most trouble I run into is when I talk to gay guys. Those of you reading this probably know that not all gay guys are gamers, hell not all guys in general are gamers. So when a guy I'm interested in asks me my hobbies and career path, I usually end up with a blank stare when I respond.

Personally I have a long way to go before my identity as a gay gamer becomes fully realized. Right now, the term seems to bring my personal and professional life together in ways that many people simply don't comprehend.

So that's my little rambling tale to end the evening on. Hopefully everyone will know a little bit more about me and if you'd like I have many more stories to tell. Oh and please don't hesitate to share your own. How has being gay and a gamer, or just gay, or just a gamer, defined who you are?