Insult Number One
The English language can be tricky. Many words mean several things, and definitions can evolve over time. Such is the case with the word gay. It's meaning has changed many times, and in the 70s, became a hallmark of the homosexual rights movement. Lately, it's begun meaning something else. More and more the word also means "Dumb", "Stupid", "Lame", etc... So much so, that now, in Britain, it's apparently the #1 insult used among children.
That's right, Gay is the most frequently used insult by British children, according to the Association of Teachers and Lecturers. And I doubt that this trend is limited only to kids over the pond. As we've already seen with Halo and Xbox Live, it affects the gamer community as well.
Continue with me after the jump.
So tell me if this sounds familiar. You're with a friend playing a game and it doesn't go well. The level ends, your character dies, etc... Then the comment comes "That's so gay"
What do you say? Are you offended? Do you confront this person?
Usually when you bring it up, the following excuse is offered. "Oh, I don't mean it about gay people, I meant it like, dumb, or stupid." My usual response to this is to ask "So gay people are stupid?" Backpedaling continues from there.
I'm willing to grant that in that moment of frustration, they harbored no specific ill will towards gay people in any way. However, the issue remains. In that instant their brain went looking for a curse/put down to imply that the game, object, or situation was 'dumb', or not good. The first thing it came up with was 'Gay'.
The implication, at least in my opinion, is that somewhere, deep down, they think that being gay is kind of dumb. At the very least, from the straight perspective, it must make no sense to them. I refuse the believe that they can totally separate these two definitions, subconsciously. They are using the word in such a way, as to imply that being gay is a negative or bad thing, whether they realize they are doing it or not.
So if gay is the first word people think of when they want to use a more powerful insult than 'dumb', is it that much of a reach to wonder if it goes the other way? When people see something or someone that is legitimately gay, does 'dumb' pop into their head?
When I interact with the gamer community I can shrug this sort of behavior off because I am an adult, but I am very concerned that this has really become so prevalent in schools. Kids can take peer pressure to extremes. Where is the line drawn between innocent but unfortunate comment, and bullying? Take this example from the story.
The effects of direct homophobic bullying on the victims, whether they are gay or not, are potentially severe. In January 2008, 14-year-old Belinda Allen hanged herself after being called a lesbian by her peers, apparently for wearing dresses rather than 'trendy' clothes.
How many of the kids that teased Belinda called her lesbian because they thought she was gay, and how many just didn't like her and used a common insult, the most hurtful thing they could think of? Why do they think this specific word is so hurtful? Because that's what they've been taught by their peers.
What do we do about all this? Well, as gamers, we have a unique opportunity to confront it. The gaming community is, as we all well know, very often a culture supportive of this kind of talk. While you aren't going to convert any Halo players any time soon, (they have to come terms with that thing they did with their cousin a few summers back, first), bring up the disparity of how they are using the word and ask them why they do it. Make them think about it. Make them realize that people are listening when they say these things.
At the very least, we may get them to use it less.
Homophobia and heterosexism [ATL.org.uk]
[via: BBC]
Sgt. Sausagepants
Posted to Miscellany, Video Games on 18 March 2008
· Comments (27)
Other stuff like this: Gay, Homophobia, Insults, kids
I have experienced this behavior in FFXI online. I get pissy i shove this in thier face and let them know it isn't right to associate that word with anything negative.I disband from a party or don't join one if i hear that word. I don't appreciate it and even go as far as to complain to the "game masters" or GM's about the person/player who said it. I'm glad i do that if anything it just might make them think
Online I pretty much just tell people to go fuck themselves, because people don't change attitudes unless confronted with it in their daily lives anyway. In that context, standing up to them is more for the benefit of other people, especially who are young or in the closet, who might see it and appreciate the support.
For family and friends in your real life, if you explain why it is offensive to you, most thinking people will understand and at least try to stop using it around you, and they'll think twice before using it in public or online.
But there is also the average conservative who will feel defensive if you call him on it. He'll act like you're forcing him to be "politically correct" and infringing on his free speech or something. Even if he's a straight, white, Christian male he'll suddenly act like he's a persecuted minority, and try to paint you as the oppressor. I've seen it dozens of times (but then I did grow up in a small town).
I always tell those types of people the same thing: I'm not your goddamn mother, I'm not here to tell you what you can or cannot say. However, it hurts me, and I expect my friends not to say it around me. Therefore you need to make a choice.
I've heard strangers say it around their kids and up until now I haven't said anything. But I'm starting to think that maybe it's a good idea to call them on it, even though the backlash will probably be harsh. At least the kid will witness an example of someone going against the grain. What do other people think about that?
Thank you for addressing this issue in an article, Sgt.
It is quite disheartening to hear the term used so prevalently over Xbox LIVE. I'm actually surprised you've received (in a way) a sort of apologetic response; Upon bringing up the subject of the word (to primarily stress-inducing-FPS players, coincidentally), my experiences tends to their throwing more insults. As a result, I've sadly conditioned myself to simply keep my lips pursed and look for a new group. It is however, as you say, a unique issue that should be confronted.
I dunno, more often than not, when issues like this get raised even here on GG, the overwhelming chorus seems to be "stop getting so offended..." Makes you wonder who's gonna do something about it when all of us are moping around being entirely unaffected?
After a brief inner monologue, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not so much offended as a gay person— I'm offended that such ignorant people rear their heads in a social environment and feel that the barrier non-direct communication via gaming erects gives them a reason to act like complete jackasses. It really degrades them as human beings more than it degrades me as a homosexual, and having my peers act so irrationally is disheartening as a member of the gaming community.
I've never really been one to outlandishly throw around "insults" that don't make sense and usually try to confront the ones that don't even make sense (afterall, how is, based on a real example I've heard, Yuna hunting for the love of her life, Tidus, in FFX-2 gay? I can't think of any way at all that is homosexual) but am a straight person who refuses to use the word "gay" as the way it is commonly used as an insult. I think the best way is to have good friends who are gay and be respectful of their lifestyle. I know it helped me be much more prone to confront people who use the word "gay" so haphazzardly.
Thanks Fruit Brute and Toots for just being good people when we worked together to make me more willing to support, stand up for, and defend the outnumbered homosexuals (even if I'm on the opposite side of the fence).
To be perfectly honest, and please keep in mind this is coming from a gay man, I'm more offended at the butchery of the English language. I guess, for my own sanity's sake, I've come to terms with the fact that people use gay haphazardly. I don't think it's all a subconscious reaction to how they feel about gay people, really. Not all the time. It's society. It's the way kids talk. Hell I've used the word plenty of times myself just because it came up. Certainly I love being gay. I just watched too much South Park at one point in my life.
Really though, it's my Journalism major inside me that is more pissed off. Just as I anger over the misuse of the word bad, I tire of the misuse of Gay. Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the word referencing homosexuals myself, because that implies that liking other men, I must be happy, when in fact so many other things in my life make that quite the contrary. But I use it because it's about 40 years running and it's a shorter word. I just don't understand how something that needs to be labeled as "lame" or "unpleasant" is dealt a word that originally means happy, or pleasant. Personally, I think that just displays people's own ignorance, and then I mock them from high atop my moral horse.
Still pissed about that "bad" thing, too. How does it mean good? It's already a word that's quite literally the direct opposite. Man, I really don't like people.
I actually say something quite funny when people say "That's gay":
"Oh really? That's gay? Wow... I thought what me and another guy do in my bedroom was gay... Interesting."
This usually gives them pause, where you can hear their brains coming up with a gay sex scene in their head, has them laugh to expel the awkwardness of the thought in their head, and then, strangely enough, usually gets apologies.
There are some for whom this approach doesn't work, to those I tend to throw blunt objects at them when they say it. They stop quickly.
Actually what i was thinking is that the next time someone says "that's so gay" or something stupid happens in a game to say "that's so straight"
lol it might work :)
Here here, I have never posted here but I must say this issue is one I do find personally important. I have a nephew, age 11, and I don't like him using that word like that. I can't really see how or when this started but it certainly is getting worse I have noticed.
Incidentally, yes, that thing with their cousin they did last summer. I was totally there... good times, good times.
It's not as if gay always only meant homosexual.
Imagine:
"Dude, that sucks!"
"Yeah, that's so colorful!"
"Wait, what?"
The real problem is not the fact that kids use words like gay or lesbian or whatever as curse.
It's rather the fact *that* they curse at all.
No matter what words they'll use, they'll always be out to hurt someone. Or sound cool. Or both.
Thus - as always - it boils down to the parents (and teachers) - they should simply keep more than just one lazy eye on kids and tell them that:
(a) they should not insult another person
(b) if someone is insulting them, they shouldn't take it personally, because just by such remarks the other person made him/herself inferiour.
(c) Hatred spawns only more hatred, so it's best to end that chain as soon as possible.
Unfortunately most parents are either greater fools themselves or not up to the task of raising children.
Lol, Henchmen21, I like that!
"Oh man, why is he wearing that? So straight!"
"My feet hurt like a mofo."
"Dang, that's straight"
"My boyfriend did anal for the first time"
"That's so straight, I mean gay."
If they apologize, then I get mad. its one thing to say it as slang, its other to apologize because it means you personally find it offensive yourself. Hence, you never should have said it in the first place.
I'm in the UK and the use of the word 'gay' by teens is something which I wish had stayed in America.
Unfortunately it's not going to get any better with the likes of the BBC board of governors saying it's perfectly fine for Chris Moyles (an absolutely terrible, casual homophobe DJ who happens to be the most listened in the UK) to use 'gay' to describe something 'rubbish' on air.
I've even run into people my age (thirties) who use 'gay' in a derogatory fashion.
They don't see anything wrong with it, so I usually calmly ask them what they think it might be like to be a gay teenager who is coming to terms with the pains of adolescence and their identity and for all their peers around them constantly using their fledgling identity to describe anything 'lame', 'stupid', 'rubbish'.
I thought things were getting better for growing up gay in the UK, but take the rising homophobia in teenagers and couple that to the increasing hectoring by muslim and christian groups and it seems like things haven't moved on at all.
For me, it's less about the offensiveness of the word and more about how sorry/angry I feel that the most colorful word in their vocabulary is gay. Sure, we have the rainbow, and that definitely makes gay a colorful word, but all joking aside, it just makes the person using it look less intelligent, and I don't think they realize this.
Speaking for the group of homosexually challenged as well as having english as a second language, I think most of the points are already summed up in the article.
English, just like any other language spoken around the globe, is a living language. Apart from being actually used by people to communicate as opposed to dead languages just being taught in schools, living languages are constantly changing. "gay" used to mean vivid, full of joy etc. Now, relating this to the way some homosexual men act, it is not surprising, that they would be referred to as being particularly "gay", right? I'm thinking victorian england, a nobleman and his wife having guests and trying to explain why their son likes to wear so many frills and why he giggles at the table like a schoolgirl even though he's in his mid-twenties. Bear in mind, this does not in any way describe all homosexual men, but serves only as an explanation of the origin of the word. And back then, it still meant happy even though the closeted homosexuality back then must have been anything but.
On one hand, this may just mean that the meaning of the word "gay" itself has shifted, and I can see this happen in other languages as well. The easiest way would be to abandon it or to use it in it's meaning as homosexual only with people we trust. On the other hand "queer" has been tainted as well.
Still, I suggest the use of words describing homosexuality are by and large used inadvertently and are not in any way meant disrespectfully towards the gay community. Yes, it is an unfortunate situation because it seems to reinforce hate toward the unknown, but really most of the people I've met and overheard using that word in a way not describing a gay person are otherwise very open and accepting.
Making them feel bad about blurting it out may actually work to a disadvantage, making us come over as hostile, which is certainly not in our interest.
Man, this has become a rant, but I have a lot of gay friends and though they'd probably appreciate the negative connotations to vanish over night, they know this is not going to happen.
Telling one friend over beer that you're gay and have them be totally cool with it (and potentially brag about having such a cool buddy who is also gay -as opposed to just referring to you as that gay guy) is worth scolding 100 people online about allegedly abusing that word. Think about it.
...
I guess Halo DID change the world. -sigh-
Thank you, Xbox Live!
Heh, I hear it everyday and use it as an insult myself, living in britain, and I just don't really associate the word "gay" with homosexuality anymore. I'll admit quite happily to having gaming sessions with my friends, and nearly everytime one of us gets killed or the equivalent, citing it as "uber gay".
I just don't relate it at all, and just view the word as another careless insult.
sigh... here we go again...
Hopefully it's just a trend that'll go away. Just like "Square", "Daddy-yo" and "let's go cats!". Though it would be cool if it would come back...
And why the 50's! it could be the 80's! "Excelent!" "Bodacius!" "Dude!" "Most Stellar!"
Wait what are we talking about again? oh yeah...
The English language is very hard to understand, even for fluent speakers like us. We have words that turn away from it original meaning as we can see here with "gay".
I would like to point out though, that "gay" came from old english meaning "Happy", similar to the word "queer". It just broke my heart to see children use it as an insult. It never was, it was what represented us...
To cheer all of us up, did you know Bill and Ted never said the word "cool", that was, back then, "Bogus" or "Most Egregious" ;)
I would also like to second the idea to replace the insult "Gay" into the word "Straight"
"Man! You're such a camper, yo mama sucks and U R Straight!!!111Oneone"
haha
The whole shifting of the meaning is BS. Can you imagine the meaning of N-word shifting and it becoming used in everyday conversation.
It's a bit the opposite of the situation concerning the word gay, but it still applies. When a word is so closely connected to a group of people, just changing the meaning is not just okay. Certainly not to use it as an insult.
Straight people are more likely to refer to homosexuals as gays rather than homosexuals.
I would suggest that the very reason this change is taking place is because gay means/meant homosexals. It's purely intended to call homosexuals stupid.
And those of you who aren't bothered by it? Well you can wallow in how great you are for not being bothered by it, but you're just condoning homophobia. All evil needs to thrive is for good men to do nothing and all that.
What is even more depressing is that much of English slang is rooted in using words that describe others. Gay, gypped (gypsies), lame (people of different abilities)...
My favorite retort that I use in an IRC I hang out at:
[13 year old punk] thats gay
[me] No, I'm gay.
[13 year old punk] O.O
*** 13 year old punk has left the channel (Quit)
Perhaps homosexuals can rally together and cook up a new word for the preteens to use? It worked for marriage. I think.
What I told someone who had used the term in a derogatory context, was to imagine someone used his name to negatively describe something. He understood it best that way and hasn't been using "gay" so lightly ever since. It's a name that belongs to us, and for people to degrade the meaning of it isn't fair to gay people as a whole.
I told him that the thing I was offended by most is the fact that he thought that I would be totally okay with him saying it so casually in the first place.
I think the best way to confront people is calmly, and explain it in such a way that it relates back to them. Now, I don't expect the online FPS crowd to stop it any time soon, but people need to start realizing the weight of their words, and that just because they don't mean it "that way" doesn't make it any better.
Being a straigh 19 year old man, I also used this word alot back when I was younger and more stupid. My lesbian friend really got cross whenever I used this word. She is a real good friend, so I always felt sorry when she caught me saying "augh, that's gay.", so I stopped myself one day. Now I use it just for identifying homosexual people. I love the gays, they're just as much human as straight people are!
Oh crud, forgot to add my last sentence. In my opinion, I got over substituting "stupid" for "gay". If it happened to me, others will get over it too, eventually. Try not to feel degraded. The ignorance will surely go away as these kids grow older and mature (hopefully).
I was using the word "gay" 25 years ago before I had ever heard of homosexuality (despite partaking in it.) I can't say I use it much in a negative way anymore, what with being pretty public about being gay, but it has a very specific meaning that has nothing to do with the sexuality of the target. There is no adequate substitute in English, not even "lame", and certainly none that are one syllable or 3 letters.
"Gay", used as an expletive, means "it was supposed to be good, but in fact it is lame." I think the quintessential example of this use is the "activism is totally gay" song in South Park. It's an expression of disdain for something that someone else expects you to like.
The South Park guys are my age too or a little younger, so I expect that the usage has evolved still more. Maybe to kids now it does just mean "stupid" or "lame", or maybe they really are saying that a book or video game spaceship is homosexual, but my observation is that it has the specific meaning I mention above.
Fifty years ago, the notion that "gay" and "homosexual" were synonymous was not widely known. I'm sure the use as an expletive originally derived from that, just as the term "gypped" once referred to literally getting swindled by a gypsy. Fifty years from now, it may mean something else altogether.
"Queer" is the same way, but has the added advantage of having started off meaning "uncomfortably strange" or something like that, which is not so far off from what kids mean when they say "That's so queer!" They are not literally saying "That person/gameplay/inanimate object takes it up the ass."
Now, there is plenty of legitimate homophobia going on, especially in the adolescent "hardcore gamer" world. I expect to stay away from XBL because of it, even though many guys I know who are gay seem to have no trouble. But casual use of the word "gay" isn't usually homophobia.
What bothers me more than imaginary homophobia is people who are too blinded by emotion (or simply don't have the brain capacity) to see subtle differences between words. "Gay" meant more than "happy" fifty years ago, too.